JOSEPH ADDISON'S QUOTE

My Melancholic Dejection

is Not a Woe

of Despair,

Nor

is it a Deep

Pit of Black.

It is

the Sorrow

of Invisibility

and Unpolished Marble.

This Teacher
Mourns
for the Collective Soul-State:

a Penetrating

Grief of the Unseen.

12-19-06

“I consider a human soul without education like marble in the quarry, which shows none of its inherent beauties until the skill of the polisher sketches out the colors, makes the surface shine and discovers every ornamental cloud, spot, and vein that runs through it.”   -- Joseph Addison

POP'S LEGACY

From boyhood and beyond,

You pounded away

To build

Your castle in the sand.

With bucket and tools in hand,

You leaped

Over the railroad track

To construct your fortress.

With sweat and perseverance,

You shoveled, bricked,

Sawed, nailed,

 and hammered away.

Floors-softly carpeted

Over a sturdy hardwood base.

Walls- firmly intact, non-budging.

Doors- securely locked,

With a plethora of keys to give away.

Then,

You squarely

Placed your family

In the Shelter

Of what you lovingly built.

Your labor was not for vanity.

The only vanity you possessed

Was the one you placed

In the bathroom

 For Mother to set her soap.

6/9/06

Read aloud at Pop's Funeral

A POEM TO POP

I stand alone

at the top of the dune

looking out at the bay-

And there you are,

part of the gentle surf.

        

I watch as a wave

forms from the water-

It breaks…

Yet it still remains water.

       

And like the wave-

There is no beginning

or end to you.

      

1-11-07

Cape May  After Pop’s Death

 

MY RESIGNATION

In this Leap of Faith

I am Free Falling through the Unknown

Trusting to Land

Balanced

On Solid Ground

Centered

Right where I Need To Be.

The Process is my Wings in this Sate of Weightlessness.

11-7-10
Giving 60 Days Notice from my teaching position

WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE AN ADULT WTH ADHD?

Driving to Shippensburg one evening in the midst of a blizzard provided me with the perfect analogy to describe what it is like to be an adult with ADHD:

My hands were white and rigid, grasping the steering wheel tightly.  I could feel the tension accumulating in the base of my neck.  It took every iota of effort to steer on course as I strained to keep the van placed between the white boundary lines on Route 81.  As I focused on the lines in front of me, they would momentarily disappear, obstructed by the large free-falling snowflakes bombarding the windshield.

As I struggled to keep the van in the center lane and to maintain my eye on the painted boundary markers on the road in front of me, I was captivated by the gracefulness of the large dropping crystals: They were bright and beautiful, a plethora of geometric shapes, each uniquely constructed.  

I remembered very philosophically thinking:

“I am the only human present to experience the ephemeral joy of the singular snowflakes that are tumbling in front of me.  When the snow-crystals melt, they will be gone, but I will remember their beauty.  It is not possible for me to experience all the snowflakes that are within my vision, but I’m seeing some of the individual snowflakes within the encircling storm.  If I crash and die tonight, wouldn’t my experience of life be much like the snowflakes?  Not many would have known me, but to my loved ones my life would be remembered by a fragment of grace that has melted on their hearts.”

                  As I ‘m pondering this thought about life, I am viewing the individual snowflakes within the showering barrage of the blizzard, while struggling to keep the van on the road and my focus on the white boundary markers.      

     All this thinking and feeling; concentration and distraction; experiencing everything at once yet perceiving the detail; being bombarded and frantically fighting to stay on track, the intensity of everything: this is what it is like to be an adult with ADHD.          

MY MOTHER'S HANDS

Fingers long and thin,

Unadorned,

Just a simple

Gold wedding band.

Nails tough, yet tenderly maintained:

These were my mother’s hands.

These were the hands

That rocked me with her strength,

Dressed me within her protective care,

Fed me from her sustenance,

 And kneaded my imagination.

Her hands soothed and scolded,

Guided and provided,

Only to be pushed away

By my hands

And the assertion:

“I can do it by myself.”

When my hands held

My firstborn child,

I could better understand,

How the hands that hold,

Can find it hard to let go.

In time, her wrinkled hands

 Pushed mine away.

I’d reach for her arm and elbow,

As she walked unsteadily,

Only to meet her resistance:

“I can do it by myself.”

Eventually, we both grasped

The firm comfort of our hands

In rhythm together:

My right hand in her left,

As my left hand supported her left elbow:

And in stride we would walk.

Until swollen and plump,

With mounds of skin swallowing

Her wedding band,

Wired and taped,

Steroided and sedated,

With tender blue, purple bruises-

Her hands lay quiet to the beat of the Ventilator.

So, her hands I held,

And I let her go.

And as she breathed

Her very last breath,

Her spirit took flight

At her physical death.

Yes, I fully understand

How the hands that hold

Can find it so terribly hard

 to let go.

-Patricia T. Steely

Written:  May 12, 2005

Revised:  May30, 2005

Read at Mom’s funeral

TO TEACHER

“Look at that paper!”

She yelled with a sigh;

“That sloppy handwriting

Is straining my eyes!”

“You are so lazy,”

Teacher accused with a huff;

“I’ve had it young man,

I’ve taken enough!”

Yes teacher, you are

Correct when you say,

That you have “taken enough”

Of this young boy away:

He used to be wide-eyed and eager to learn,

Full of questions and answers that continually burned.

The ideas in his head

Would ignite with speed,

Taking him anywhere

That his mind would lead.

When he entered that boundary

Commonly called “school,”

His thoughts were unwelcome-

There were too many rules.

He didn’t pay attention,

He never sat still;

His papers were messy-

Teacher, you had your fill.

You took his sparkle,

His music, his prance;

And to your tune

He had to dance.

He smothered his wonder,

His awe, his joy;

Just so he could be

A good little boy.

Teacher, from his seat,

He heard your sigh;

His ambition froze,

But the spark didn’t die:

It smoldered, it steamed,

And sometimes consumed:

The bad boy grew up

And composed his own tune.

2/9/98
Autobiographical Poem Regarding My Early Childhood Years in School

WISDOM FROM A FLOODED BASEMENT

     We returned from a peaceful vacation in Cape May the summer of 2006 to find 4 feet of water in our basement due to a broken valve on the water softener.  The electric meter was pulled so no one would be electrocuted, the Fire Company pumped out the water, an insurance agent surveyed the scene, and a restoration company was hired. It was a chaotic time and we lost just about everything in the basement: Our washer, dryer, furnace, chest freezer, boxes of family mementos, children’s books, miscellaneous storage items, my seasonal teaching curriculum, etc. were all destroyed.  
     I had a box of special mementos that I stored in the basement after my Mother's death.  Inside the box was a beautiful hand crocheted Tablecloth.  I didn't actually use the Tablecloth because it beheld so many wonderful memories of my Mother and I feared staining it.  
     On occasion, I would find myself drawn down to the basement, my footsteps taking me to the Memory Box.   I would open the flaps on the box and touch and smell the Tablecloth longing for a felt-sense of my Mother.  The Tablecloth elicited a vivid picture in my mind’s eye of her sitting at her dining room table with the crocheted Tablecloth perched on top of another solid tablecloth, the table adorned with a cut glass bowl filled with plastic fruit.  We would sit at her dining room table, play cards or Rummikub, snack, and chat. 
     As a result of the flood, oil from the furnace seeped into the Memory Box and left the Tablecloth stained and ruined beyond restoration.   How I wish I would have used the tablecloth on my own table and not stored it in a box! I would rather have ruined the tablecloth with gravy and wine stains so that each blemish on the tablecloth would have been a reminder of family fellowship right here in my OWN dining room, but instead I clutched at preserving my memories.
     I am sad that I had to throw away the Tablecloth, but the joy I feel when I think about sitting with my Mother at her dining room table actually makes the Tablecloth inconsequential.  
     I will always possess the memories:  I don’t need the possession.

August 2006